Just thoughts...

Thought #1: I am blessed, for sure.
The farewell gathering two days ago made me even more sure that I'm blessed with closely connected family and friends. Its just half a year away from them but I guess the whole talk about how dangerous and disaster prone the country is just scares everyone. Which leads to an avenue for me to know that I mean alot to my family and close friends. I shall not blog about who i'll miss and all the thank you's since i've already said what I need to say in those little notes for everyone that matters.Those hugs and kisses on the forehead, whispering to take care of myself and always be safe and do a great job motivates me to even do so much better. Of course, I'll do much more to make all these people behind me proud.

Thought #2: Prayers keeps you strong.
Its interesting how yesterday my brother bought me two books for my advance birthday present and while at Arab street and buying a shawl so as to do my prayers at masjid sultan, I lowered my head and feel at the utmost peace.My mind has just been like a mental war and I pray for a clear heart, moderation in life and healthy family.My closest aunty whom I've learnt so much from and a person who teaches me to always be brave, be strong and learning to accept things. She is the living example of how low your life can be and you can still pick up the pieces and look ahead. Prayers gives her the inner strength and faith with god keeps her going and believe that every failure encountered is where a greater success awaits. Insyallah, I'll keep the doas and the prayers as my strongest shield of protection and lift these heavy hearts.
And its just the right time when ramadhan is how I'm gonna start my new journey. Amin.

Thought #4: Friends with agenda are not your friends.
Along the way of recovering on your own. Finding reasons behind everything that happened, its far from the time to be critic or being taken advantage of. But shit happens and I admit along the way I apologize for some misunderstanding and hurt to some friends but along the way, you met new friends too. Being the non-judgemental person, you hate that you end up knowing they have an agenda and as usual, why worry about debating or finding the truth, what goes around comes around and to those with agenda, the rounding is coming, so you better wish there was other shapes invented that karma wont come around but get out of the way. hah!

Thought #5: What is strength, really?
You want to know what strength is? I tell you what it is, it is to let things go.
It tests the whole mind muscle and corner you to question every single answers. It gets you tired but you still think and deciding, it had you drained but you stick through it. You don't blame it, you accept it and after reasoning the facts and how to solve it, you come with a decision. Now here is the part, strength is when you say it, you follow through it. DIE DIE! You jolly well keep to it.You stick to it because you have decided and you love yourself too much to be asked to put into the same position ever again. Its the determination and blocking all the other bad vibes, soft words, pleading, apologies and "ill give this another run" thoughts and only do what you need to do.Because after what you need, then you can move to what you want..

Thought #6: Bottomline, I'll get through this myself
Yes, my footsteps got confused when you left. But each day will get better, getting along very well without you always in my mind. Since you said you are not good enough, then fine then, i'll find those who do good to me. Have the nerve to take the risk, take the effort and time and take control of things. At the end of the day, I am standing on my own two feet and because I was young and naive to even believe and kept faith it will last till you "dump & disappear" stunt woke me up in living my life with arms and go through with anything that comes in my way alone, positively. I won't make you regret for leaving you, but just make you regret for being less of a man.

And thoughts will just be thoughts, hopefully adversity in life makes us wiser and keep grounded to the values and things taught in life.. Other than that, I'll breathe yet suffocate, I'll be alive when I feel dead for a couple more days and hello new ferina very soon!