If this is a mistake,then tell me whats truth?

As i was sitting alone in the library,
Dian tapped my back and said "check Npmail now"
I reach for the mouse, trembling a little and deep inside i know its the results
Moving the cursors navigating thru the mail, finally opened it..
There "Ferina Natasya, Dian Diyana.. Nias/Indonesia OIAP"
We did scream, we looked at each other with excitement, hugged and congratulate
Then as i sat through continuing my work, the news starts to sink in
And then i felt sad
Really sad
And then i felt scared
Really scared

This is insane
I want this, I know this is THE experience!
Its worthwhile and I want to come back home Singapore after 5 mths a changed person
A person who sees the world in a different light, understanding the fears of the locals there and definitely grow into a person who is more patient, more endurance and of course stronger lady
I want things done with meaning.. has its purpose
I don't mind not being paid, I know working with the Singapore Red Cross and Mercy Relief will be a great oppurtunity for me. And since this opportunity knocks on my door, ive let them in.
I don't want to look back, I don't want to feel half-hearted
I want to give my all, give my best and make the best out of it

5 months isnt that long really..
20 weeks
150+ days
150+ multiply 24 hrs
my birthday without the usual dinner
fasting month without my family for sahur and buka
hari raya without family by me
no coffeebean meetups
no internet
no kinder buenos

But i chose this, Ill stick to this.
The best of experience involves risks.
Yes its disaster prone, but please don't remind me of what might happen
If it happens, it happens.. if its time, its time.

Hearing an ok from parents who seems ok may be consent to me
but keyword here is "seems"
frankly, i know for a fact my mum's smile and hug after the results was her unspoken words, more like she has nothing else to say cause my decision's final

Hearing a "im behind you all the way" from my bestest friend
who cries on the phone just a week before the result due to some family problems, makes me feel who is gonna be the one listening her out and cheering her up

Hearing a "kakak, who am i gonna sleep with at night" from my naive teenage sister
who faced alot of peer pressure and bully at school, makes me cry to know she won't be able to stand up for herself when im not here

Hearing a "I never like saying no to you,but this time, please don't go sayang cause I dont want to find another you if say anything happens" from the boyfriend who has been the most understanding and kept saying "ill wait for 5 mths, come on..what is 5 mths when we're spending the rest of time together in this life".. everytime i hear those words and msgs, it further ensures me that this boy is for keeps

Hearing a "oh no, who's gonna scratch my back as nice as how ur fingernails does after u bathe for me? " from my little cousin makes me see how honest of an answer she gives and how im of an 'asset' to her

Im doing this guys, for real.
For good.